Firstly, I think that The most critical system is the muscular system because you heart is a muscle and if you didn’t have your heart you wouldn't be able pump blood around your body. If you wouldn’t be able to pump blood around your body you would die instantly. That's why I think that the muscular system is the most critical system in your body.
Tuesday, 25 September 2018
PLEASE COMMENT ON FEEDBACK
Hi guys, welcome back to my blog today I some feedback on my witting. I have been learning about the body and I was learning about a system called the muscular system. This system is a system with muscles in it. You might think that but it isn't there is more in there. There is more then 650 muscles in your body. Some of your muscles show and some don't. I want some feedback on this paragraph and it needs to be Positive, Helpful and Thoughtful. Please do not hesitate to comment on my blog I hope you learnt something from my blog post. Have a amazing day/week. Here is my writing I hope you like it .BYE
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To support my learning I ask you to comment as follows:
1. Something positive - something you like about what I have shared.
2. Thoughtful - A sentence to let us know you actually read/watched or listened to what I had to say
3. Something helpful - how have you connected with my learning? Give me some ideas for next time or ask me a question.
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Hey Quaid,
ReplyDeleteI am assuming that this is the first paragraph of your work? Is there an introduction that sits before this?
I really like the way that you have justified your opinion for why the muscular system is the most critical. You have done this by saying because and also supplying a supporting sentence.
In the first part of your post you said some really interesting things that I would like to know more about! What are some other muscles that people often forget are muscles?
To improve this paragraph you could add to your first sentence 'body system' because the first system I thought of was the solar system! But I am pretty sure that your post was not discussing this! You could also include the fact of how many muscles are in your body as an introduction sentence - because this is interesting.
I look forward to re-reading this once you have considered my feedback! Let me know how you get on!
- Miss Morgan